Please, Thank You, Excuse Me

“Good manners are just a way of showing others that we have respect for them.” –Bill Kelly

Happy {almost} Friday, y'all! I wanted to talk about something that has been weighing on my mind for a while now, so bear with me.

All too often I hear people complain about millennials, saying we’re “rude,” “selfish,” “have bad manners,” etc. and then they go on to say, “the generation after them is even worse!” My typical rebuttal is, “well, your generation (Gen X) raised us.” Today though, I don’t want to stop there. I want to discuss the severe lack of manners we as a society show on a daily basis.

About six weeks ago, my mom and I were on a cruise with roughly 9,000 people. It was a blast and we greatly enjoyed spending time together, adventuring, and relaxing, but the rudeness and impatience of fellow cruisers really stuck out to me. On one of the days, I was in line at the burger bar. There were 10 of us in that line. Out of the ten, 2 of us said “please” and “thank you” to the chefs as they prepared our meals and handed them to us (one was me and the other was a middle schooler…a millennial and a Gen Z-er). Y’all. TWO. Out of TEN. That is 20 PERCENT!  We have to do better than that! This is a common theme between chefs, wait staff, and patrons. I see it in restaurants, at Starbucks, and other places. People place their orders (often in a demanding tone) with no “please” during the order and no “thank you” when they are served. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BE POLITE?! Say “please” and “thank you” with a smile instead of eye rolling when they don’t hear you right the first time and ask you to repeat yourself or give them a scowl because you had to wait on fresh fries. Kindness costs nothing, but means so much to the person on the receiving end.

Getting off the cruise ship was also enlightening. People were in such a hurry that middle aged men were pushing, shoving, and elbowing women (including my mom) to get off faster. THAT IS RIDICULOUS! My kindergarteners get in trouble when they do that because they know better. They are five and six. You can’t tell me a 50-year-old man doesn’t know better. And whatever happened to excuse me? People accidentally bumped into us countless times while on the cruise…it happens…we were often in tight spaces…I’m guilty of it too, but a little “excuse me” goes a long way.

At school, I listen to how kids talk to each other and even how they talk to adults. I used to be confused, even shocked, wondering how kids this young speak with so much sass and rudeness. Then I paid closer attention to how adults order at Starbucks, how they talk to Target employees, the tone they use on the phone and was no longer surprised, but rather saddened. The sass and rudeness is being modeled for them on a daily basis.

People. I’ve figured it out. The reason “kids these days” lack manners, don’t know how to say “please,” “thank you,” or “excuse me,” speak in an unkindly, and are always trying to be first is adults ARE NOT modeling common courtesy. Fred Astaire accurately stated, “the hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.” Children are not born knowing how to be polite, just like they do not come out of the womb knowing how to talk. They learn by listening and watching others, through trial and error, by practicing and perfecting how to say words, phrases, and sentences. Manners are also LEARNED BEHAVIORS. Adults have to teach children how to be polite. At the beginning of the year, many of my kids did not understand why they had to say anything when they accidentally bumped someone in line or walked in front of another class. They would always say, “but it was an accident.” I would then explain, “I understand it was an accident, but the polite thing to do would be to say, ‘Excuse me’ or ‘I’m sorry.’” They are not perfect and we have to practice sometimes, but they are learning and trying. My kids now know to begin or end a request with “please” and say “thank you” when it is granted. Many of them did not know this at the beginning of the year. I also remind them to say “thank you” to our cafeteria workers, classroom guests, and Specials teachers. I also do my best (I am by no means perfect) to model speaking to others with kindness and respect, whether that be with them, colleagues, or parents, so the kids can see what that looks like.

Please don’t think I’m saying no one teaches manners in their household anymore because I know that is far from the truth. I’m just saying that we as a society must do a better job modeling common courtesy and kindness in all situations (including frustrating ones) for our children. I truly believe our society would run more smoothly if everyone (including myself) would make a concerted effort to be a little kinder, a little more polite on a daily basis.

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” –The 14^th Dalai Lama

“Good manners and kindness are always in fashion.” –Unknown

Yours truly,

Steph