“Good manners are just a way of showing others that we have respect for them.” –Bill Kelly
Happy {almost} Friday, y'all! I wanted to talk about something that has been weighing on my mind for a while now, so bear with me.
All too often I hear people complain about millennials,
saying we’re “rude,” “selfish,” “have bad manners,” etc. and then they go on to
say, “the generation after them is even worse!” My typical rebuttal is, “well,
your generation (Gen X) raised us.” Today though, I don’t want to stop there. I
want to discuss the severe lack of manners we as a society show on a daily
basis.
About six weeks ago, my mom and I were on a cruise with
roughly 9,000 people. It was a blast and we greatly enjoyed spending time
together, adventuring, and relaxing, but the rudeness and impatience of fellow
cruisers really stuck out to me. On one of the days, I was in line at the
burger bar. There were 10 of us in that line. Out of the ten, 2 of us said “please”
and “thank you” to the chefs as they prepared our meals and handed them to us (one was me and the
other was a middle schooler…a millennial and a Gen Z-er). Y’all. TWO. Out of TEN. That is 20 PERCENT! We
have to do better than that! This is a common theme between chefs, wait staff,
and patrons. I see it in restaurants, at Starbucks, and other places. People
place their orders (often in a demanding tone) with no “please” during the
order and no “thank you” when they are served. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BE POLITE?!
Say “please” and “thank you” with a smile instead of eye rolling when they don’t
hear you right the first time and ask you to repeat yourself or give them a
scowl because you had to wait on fresh fries. Kindness costs nothing, but means
so much to the person on the receiving end.
Getting off the cruise ship was also enlightening. People
were in such a hurry that middle aged men were pushing, shoving, and elbowing
women (including my mom) to get off faster. THAT IS RIDICULOUS! My kindergarteners
get in trouble when they do that because they know better. They are five and
six. You can’t tell me a 50-year-old man doesn’t know better. And whatever
happened to excuse me? People accidentally bumped into us countless times while
on the cruise…it happens…we were often in tight spaces…I’m guilty of it too,
but a little “excuse me” goes a long way.
At school, I listen to how kids talk to each other and even
how they talk to adults. I used to be confused, even shocked, wondering how
kids this young speak with so much sass and rudeness. Then I paid closer
attention to how adults order at Starbucks, how they talk to Target employees,
the tone they use on the phone and was no longer surprised, but rather
saddened. The sass and rudeness is being modeled for them on a daily basis.
People. I’ve figured it out. The reason “kids these days”
lack manners, don’t know how to say “please,” “thank you,” or “excuse me,” speak
in an unkindly, and are always trying to be first is adults ARE NOT
modeling common courtesy. Fred Astaire accurately stated, “the hardest job kids face
today is learning good manners without seeing any.” Children are not born
knowing how to be polite, just like they do not come out of the womb knowing
how to talk. They learn by listening and watching others, through trial and
error, by practicing and perfecting how to say words, phrases, and sentences.
Manners are also LEARNED BEHAVIORS. Adults have to teach children how to be
polite. At the beginning of the year, many of my kids did not understand why
they had to say anything when they accidentally bumped someone in line or
walked in front of another class. They would always say, “but it was an
accident.” I would then explain, “I understand it was an accident, but the
polite thing to do would be to say, ‘Excuse me’ or ‘I’m sorry.’” They are not
perfect and we have to practice sometimes, but they are learning and trying. My kids now
know to begin or end a request with “please” and say “thank you” when it is
granted. Many of them did not know this at the beginning of the year. I also
remind them to say “thank you” to our cafeteria workers, classroom guests, and
Specials teachers. I also do my best (I am by no means perfect) to model
speaking to others with kindness and respect, whether that be with them,
colleagues, or parents, so the kids can see what that looks like.
Please don’t think I’m saying no one teaches manners in
their household anymore because I know that is far from the truth. I’m just
saying that we as a society must do a better job modeling common courtesy and
kindness in all situations (including frustrating ones) for our children. I
truly believe our society would run more smoothly if everyone (including myself)
would make a concerted effort to be a little kinder, a little more polite on a
daily basis.
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” –The 14th
Dalai Lama
“Good manners and kindness are always in fashion.” –Unknown
Yours truly,
Steph
