You Do You

"Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who to be?"

Hey everybody!
I hope everyone had a great weekend and at least a decent start to their week. :) It's Wednesday, so that means it HUMP DAY!! Happy Hump Day! If you get a chance, say hi to a camel for me. Anyway, this week I have decided to write about being yourself because I've been so disturbed by people trying to tell others what they should do with their lives and people being judgmental of others for their choices. For those of you in college, it's a time to find yourself, what YOUR passions are, and what goals you have for yourself. If you're still in high school, it's still important to be yourself; you still shouldn't let anyone tell you who to be. Same goes for full grown adults. There's a reason we were not all created the same. The world would be a pretty lopsided, boring place if everyone was the same or even super similar. So many people will try and tell you who to be, and I'm going to talk about a few and how to deal with that.

Your Parents
This may be the most challenging one, because almost everyone wants their parents approval, however, your parents love you and will support you, maybe not at first, but they will come around. Now, high-schoolers, you do still have to listen to your parents...this is not an okay to go and rebel. They care and just want to protect you. Until you fly the nest, they are completely responsible for you and their rules are important. If you're going to graduate soon and they're trying to give you ideas on what to be when you grow up, do not ignore them; they're trying to help and most likely know what your strengths, weaknesses, likes, and dislikes are. Listen to them. It will also help you narrow your college search and maybe make life a little less overwhelming. College students, it's time to do what you're passionate about. It's perfectly acceptable to take your parents' advice, they may be paying the bills, however, do not allow them to tell you how to live your life. You're an adult now, and it's your life, not theirs. Most parents will respect that. Mine do, and I've grown even closer to them than I've ever been. You may have to have an adult conversation with them...good...you'll have to have a lot of those as you continue to grow up. Be respectful and listen to their point of view, but don't shy away from yours.

Your Friends
This is the one that bugs me the most. Lately I've seen way too many people tell their friends how to live their lives. NO! STOP IT! And stop letting them. I'm going to specifically address college students. When you're in college, it's time to explore life away from academics. I joined a sorority...and I LOVE IT. If that's the right fit for you, go for it. Don't let anyone tear you down because of it. I've caught a little bit of flack for joining a sorority, but not by my closest friends. I do have another friend who just joined as well and she is getting all kinds of crap for it. It's not anyone's place to tell you what to do with your time. We're too old for petty jealousy and thinking that just because someone joined a sorority they're going to replace their old friends...umm no...they are just expanding their circle. I've also heard that joining a sorority is "buying your friends." Well shoot, it's not the case, but if I bought my friends, I sure as heck didn't pay enough for them because they're pretty spectacular. That being said sorority life isn't for everyone...I don't look down on people who are not in a sorority. Find your fit...whether it's choir, band, student ministry, and other clubs. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing what you love. And, newsflash, if your "friends" are truly your friends, they will get over it and will love you for who and what you are. Friends are there to love and support each other, not judge and tear each other down, so don't let your friends tell you what to do or how to live your life.

Your Peers
Peers, acquaintances, people your own age also love to tell us that how we're living is wrong. Who cares...if they're not your friends, it's not even worth giving them the time of day. Don't let them make you compromise yourself just so that you "fit in." You will fit in somewhere, and those people will love you for you, and it will be the greatest feeling in the world.

I'm a big Ke$ha fan because she believes so much in being yourself, and she once said, "Give the haters the finger and be true to yourself. You can't be a victim. You have to be a warrior." I'm not saying to actually flip people off...that's not polite. :) I am saying to give them the mental finger and be yourself. If you let people tell you who to be and allow them to victimize you, you won't get anywhere and you will be miserable. Be strong in who you are; be a warrior.

The Breakfast Club is also a brilliant movie and a quote from there that resonated with me was, "spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself and a little less time trying to impress people." This is wonderful because if you do you, and make something of yourself, you will impress the right people further on down the line.

"There is no passion to be found in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living," so "may your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears." (Mandela). These are two very big you do you quotes. Do not be afraid of your dreams and passions, and don't let others tell you how to live your life, or scare you out of what you're meant to be.

I hope this has made sense and is helpful to those of you who are struggling with people close to them telling you what to do...I know I struggle with this sometimes. Just remember, you do you, and I'll do me.

"The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them."

Yours Truly,
Steph

Kindness

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, KINDNESS, goodness, faithfulness, and self control." -Galatians 5:22

Hello all!
I hope you've had a wonderful week! I know mine has been a bit crazy, but my mommy is here for my sorority's Mom's Weekend AND IT'S FRIDAY, so life is pretty great. Anyway, this week, I'm going to talk about the verse above, especially kindness because it is so important to be kind to people day in and day out, whether or not you think they deserve it. However, in order to achieve kindness, you have to have the other fruits as well, especially love, patience, and self-control. Sometimes, being kind is easy, but at other times it takes every part of your being to turn the other cheek. So, this week, I'm going to give you some less than perfect, but well thought out advice on kindness. Bear with me.

First, you gotta have Love
When someone is really ticking you off and getting under your skin, it's impossible to be kind unless you can love. Usually, this love is much bigger than any love any human can exert, because we're all sinful and we don't want to show love to those who are making us mad, but if God had treated us the way we truly deserved to be treated, we would all be damned to Hell, but instead, he showed us an everlasting love in His Son, Jesus Christ, therefore we are called to love others the way Christ has loved us. It can be a challenge, but just think about His love for us and the grace and mercy he has shown time and time again. If God had not so loved the world, He would not have shown us grace by giving us His son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins, and He would not have shown us mercy by sparing us from eternal death. Therefore, since God did the impossible by loving us for who and what we are even though He is perfect, we are called to love even the unlovable. Through love comes kindness. If you can find it in your heart to love not just your friends, family, and those who are kind to you the majority of the time, but those who are not so kind, then it is much easier to practice kindness. You've gotta have God's help, though, at least I know I do.

Patience is a thing, too
I'm gonna be real honest with y'all right now. Patience is definitely the virtue I struggle with the most. I literally can't stand in lines without doing a tap-dance, and I'm not always the most patient with my peers. I can be patient with small children all day long, but I sometimes struggle with those my age just because I believe they know better. I do work on my patience all the time. I pray about it, and I'm getting better, only with the help of my Heavenly Father, though. I would not be able to do it without Him living through me. Patience is incredibly important when trying to show kindness. As stated previously, it's easy to be kind to people who are kind to you, however, it takes a great deal of patience to be kind to those who push your buttons. It's impossible if you lack patience. I know if I'm lacking patience, I'm not going to be kind. I do find it important to remind myself that many people are patient with me on a daily basis. I do things that are annoying and unkind...I know that, but others show me love, patience, and grace, and more importantly, my Heavenly Father is patient with me on a daily basis, so the least I could do is try, which His help, to exercise patience even when frustrated.

Self Control shows maturity
I know I've wanted to go off on people or fight them, or whatever, most people do, but I (usually) choose not to, which is an example of self control. That's kind of an extreme example, though. Even just watching what I say and how my words come across shows whether or not I'm practicing self-control or not. When I'm frustrated, I can approach the situation diplomatically and just address what is bothering me and offer solutions, or I can start placing blame. I've done both, but I try to approach things diplomatically; it's a sign of self control. When someone is able to exercise self control in aggravating situations, they are showing maturity. Self control is also incredibly important when trying to be kind. If you're trying to be kind, exercise self control and filter what you say to people. If you can't practice self control, kindness is not possible in unwelcome situations because things will be said that didn't need to be. I have to remind myself this regularly. In the end, if you don't have anything nice or productive to say, don't say anything. Sometimes I just have to bite my tongue and revisit the situation when I'm less steamed

Put yourself in their shoes
Empathy helps with practicing kindness. Is their a reason someone is rude to you or snapped at you, or whatever that made you irritated, hurt your feelings, or made you not want to be kind? Did they have a bad day? It would be kind to, instead of retaliating, ask them if something is bothering them, or just how their day was. Everyone has their off days. I do, and sometimes, I'm cranky and tick people off, but they empathize with me and show me kindness.

However, you're not a doormat
Being kind and being a doormat are two different things. It is incredibly difficult to draw the line in the sand sometimes, at least for me it is. There's a difference between someone being mildly unkind every once in a while due to an off day, hormones, or whatever, than someone being rude to you regularly. At one point you do have to put your foot down and say something or it will continue to escalate. You can still approach it in a kind and loving manner, though. A screaming match never needs to be the outcome.

So, communicate, kiddo
Communication is actually a lot more difficult than it sounds when someone is bugging you. I have a hard time expressing my feelings in words when I'm upset or irritated, so sometimes I tend to just let it go until the hostility builds and I've reached my boiling point. A friend of mine said something the other day that resonated with me. It was, "If something is bothering you and you don't talk to the person about it, you can't fully love them because you're holding bitterness against them." This was kind of an aha moment. Without love, one cannot be kind, and it's hart to love when there's bitterness in the heart, so things need to be addressed for kindness to prevail.

I hope all of that makes sense. Of course there are many more things one could write about on kindness, but this is what has been on my mind and my heart. I strive to live a life of kindness and love, so when my ability to be kind is tested, it's a little rough for me. I don't want people to remember me as being really smart (although that's not bad); I would much prefer to leave a legacy of Christ's love and kindness. When you're going throughout your day, remember this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, and I will remember it as well, "Kindness is the language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see." Have a wonderful weekend and a great week next week, and be kind to people, regardless of whether it's easy or not, and I will do the same!

"If you can be anything, be kind."

Yours truly,
Steph

Let's Talk About Love

Hey everyone! If you’re hoping for some steamy blog post in preparation for Valentine’s Day, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I hope you’ll continue reading because I believe deep down in my heart that this is so important that I’ve felt compelled to write about it, even if my thoughts are controversial.

I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day…in fact, it is literally my LEAST FAVORITE holiday. I know you might be thinking that I’m bitter because I’m single and I’m jealous of my friends who have significant others. That’s not the case. I have wonderful friends who will be my Valentines…that’s not the issue I have. I just hate the way society has commercialized a holiday that used to be truly about love and sacrifice, and made it incredibly superficial. For just a moment, I’m going to talk about the history, purpose, and legends behind Valentine’s Day, love, lust, and today’s pressures for both guys and girls on Valentine’s Day.

History/Purpose/Legends

Through a little bit of research, I learned that the history behind Valentine’s Day is unclear, however, there are some legends behind its original purpose. One legend believes that a man named Valentine (a priest) went ahead and married couples who were in love even though Emperor Claudius II of Rome banned all marriages. He was eventually put to death. Another says that Saint Valentine was killed for helping Christians escape harsh Roman prisons. A third states that an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting to a young girl with whom he fell in love. Before he was put to death, he wrote , “From Your Valentine,” a phrase still used today. All three of these legends display examples of true love and sacrifice, the original purpose for the celebration each year, but Valentine’s Day has been so commercialized that the meaning of love is so fuzzy that many don’t even know what it is; they have a false sense of it.

Love

The Biblical definition of love is: wanting good to come to another person; being concerned and willing to work for another person’s benefit.

Nowhere in that definition is the word “sex.” For some reason, sex and love have been so sensationalized in today’s media that many people think that sex and love essentially mean the same thing…and that cannot be further from the truth. One can show love without sex (look at friendships and relationships with families), and people can have sex without any love. Unfortunately, this happens a lot, leaving people broken and confused. God talks about the church being the “Bride of Christ,” and how our bodies are temples; we should treat them as such. I’ve looked up a few Bible verses about love and these were my favorites.

Colossians 3:14- “And over all of these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Song of Solomon 4:10- “How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than your wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice.” I think these verses are important because they show just how beautiful love can be; the greatest commandment is love; love unifies. Everyone needs to be truly loved for who they are, not on a superficial level, and everyone needs to know that you don’t have to have sex to receive love. Many girls feel pressure to flirt and flaunt themselves around guys, and do not want to say “no” when a guy wants to have sex, and guys feel pressured by their guy friends to score, but ladies and gentlemen, you  need to understand that “waiting is a sign of true love and patience. Anyone can say, ‘I love you,’ but not everyone can wait and prove it’s true.” Many have heard the saying “True Love Waits,” and it might seem cheesy, but it is so true. If two people can save themselves for their wedding day, it’s a testament to the love inside of their hearts for each other. Crystalina Evert so beautifully stated, “If a man loves a woman, he will wait for her. Not only that, he will wait with her.” It’s the same thing for guys. Our Heavenly Father loved us all so much that he died for each and every one of us. We don’t need a greater love than that.

Lust

Today’s definition of love is oftentimes confused with the definition of lust. There’s a difference between loving someone and lusting after them. If you love someone, you value their beliefs and treasure what is in their heart, whereas if you lust after someone, you value their physical appearance…how their hot body looks in the summertime, how their eyes sparkle, and a lot of times, when someone is lusting, they’re trying to figure out how to get into the other’s pants. Sorry…had to say it. Guys and girls are equally guilty of this.

Pressure

One of my biggest issues with Valentine’s Day is the pressures that come with it. Sure, the pressures tie into lust, and what society expects on Valentine’s Day. Girls and guys both feel pressure to be the “perfect Valentine.” Girls oftentimes feel the need to buy “sexy” clothes to wear for their guy. That boggles my mind. If your guy truly loves you on every other day of the year, why do you need to change your appearance and make it more risqué or sexy on Valentine’s Day? It’s because that’s what society expects. Guys face immense pressure as well. They “have to” get their girl the best flowers, best chocolate, and have a super romantic date planned, otherwise he is considered lame. Chocolate, flowers, and dates are nice, but why on Valentine’s Day is it a have to? Well, that’s society again. In my opinion, people don’t need a certain day to express their love. Shoot, if a guy wants to get his girl flowers or chocolates just because, that’s way more special than doing it on Valentine’s Day because he did it because he wanted to, not because it’s a requirement placed on him by society. Finally, I’ve hit on this previously, but it’s so important. One of the biggest pressures on Valentine’s Day is to have sex because according to society, there’s no other day romantic than that. Here’s an important question to ponder: Why are we allowing society and the media to dictate the way we do relationships? Each person is unique and their relationships with their significant other as well as friends and family should not be dictated by any social expectations.

The main points I have attempted to convey is that love, lust, and sex are not the same thing, each and every one of you is special and beautiful and does not need someone to tell them that. Finally, your Heavenly Father loves you more than you could imagine, and much more than a human could even try, I mean, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (John 15:13)

Note that I am not attempting to make anyone feel guilty at all. That is not the purpose in this. I want everyone to know that they are truly loved and do not need to prove anything to anyone to receive this love. I also want everyone to know that you are beautiful just the way you are. You don’t need society’s approval. This message was to show my love and more importantly God’s love for each and every one of you.

Here are a couple more brilliant quotes about love to close us out.

“Love, I’ve come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bedtime, Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.” –Nicholas Sparks

Finally, “Don’t compare your love story to those you watch in movies. They’re written by scriptwriters. Yours is written by God.”

Let’s Put the Love Back In Valentine’s Day

Yours Truly,

Steph

Catching My Breath

Hey everyone!
No, I'm not about to sing you a Kelly Clarkson song...sorry.
I just felt the need to post about this because I have been catching myself saying to people "Once I make it to this date, I can breathe again" or "I'm holding my breath until this day." Those are such terrible things to say...it means that I'm not enjoying my life that I've been blessed to have. So, let me catch my breath real quick before we dive deeper into this post.
Lately I've been kind of just going through the motions, meeting deadline after deadline, attending activity after activity. Many of these "obligations" have actually been super fun, I just need to remind myself to seize the moment instead of just moving on to the next thing. I'm going to be real for a minute. College is hard. It's hard to balance social life, academics, and other responsibilities without feeling like you're going crazy. Some days I dive in head first and have a blast; others, I just do what I have to...I don't take a moment to "smell the roses," and that's when I run into trouble. On those days, one text message asking me to do something or reminding me of something can make me go straight into panic mode...over literally nothing. On days when I embrace everything, I'm much more at ease and am less flustered. My attitude seems to make all the difference. So, if you have/and are having a busy few weeks, months, or if you just have a busy life, this is for you. Here are some possibly flawed, but rather thoughtful words of advice on how to deal with a busy day/week, etc.

Take a Deep Breath
I'm not talking about full out yoga. If you can do that, great...I know that I cannot. I'm just talking about those deep in through the nose, out through the mouth type of breaths our parents made us take when we were uncontrollably upset as children. (At least my parents did). I'm not totally sure why, but deep breaths help a lot...they're rather relaxing. I think it might have something to do with oxygen to the brain and blood flow...but that's beside the point. Just take a deep breath...it WILL make a difference.

Make Time for Yourself
This is so important. I'm an extrovert, but I still need my alone time, whether it's taking a long shower, a nap, watching a movie, or just hanging out by yourself. Alone time keeps me from going crazy. If you live in a dorm like I do, this could be difficult...take a walk by yourself (not in the dark), put in your headphones, whatever...just allow yourself to be.

Know when You've Reached Your Limit
You can't be everyone's everything all the time. Even the most involved of people have to draw the line somewhere. If you know that you cannot do something due to time or you just are not feeling it, don't be afraid to say so...your friends will understand. Everyone has their limits of what they can and cannot do and it's important to find yours, otherwise you will go crazy, and you will begin doing things half-heartedly. If I know I can't give something 100%, I don't sign up for it. That's hard, but necessary for sanity purposes.

Eat 
This might seem obvious, but it's not. Oftentimes when people (myself included) get super busy and overwhelmed, they either forget to eat or eat poorly. This is just not good for your health. In order to stay healthy, you MUST eat...and I'm not talking about oreos and ice cream...that doesn't count. Make time to eat; it's another time for you to relax and recharge.

Sleep
This one goes out the window as soon as obligations start piling up. DON'T LET IT. Sleep is so important for human functioning. When you feel drained, go to sleep...don't stay up until ungodly hours of the morning just because you think you HAVE TO GET THIS DONE. It can wait.

I hope all of you have a wonderful week and I hope this helps. I'm going to finish catching my breath and will have to continuously remind myself to quit "holding my breath." Enjoy life, live it to the fullest, live life passionately, it only happens once. Love you all!

Yours Truly,
Steph